Ah, the start of another school year. What could be better? There used to be a great office supply commercial that played the Christmas song “The Most Wonderful Time of the Year” in which parents skipped down the aisles of the store, joyfully loading up on school supplies, while their kids stood looking miserable. And there is much for parents to be excited about: kids getting back on a routine, starting a new grade and, with that: new adventures, kids not saying they are bored every 5 minutes, and kids getting out from under their parents’ feet so the parents can breathe and maybe think a thought!
And yet, although there is much to be happy about, the start of the school year is also a stressful time for kids and parents alike. I often have clients at this time of year finding themselves confused at their tearfulness or heightened emotionality. It helps them to be reminded that transitions–even positive ones–are stressful events.
The new school year brings lots of changes: new teachers, new schedules, new classes, maybe new schools, getting up early, getting organized, the return of homework and the return of pressure to be successful. For older kids theres the pressure to take as many AP classes as humanely (humanly?) possible, and to think about what colleges to try to get into, or to think about what comes after high school. And then there are the social issues: will old friendships maintain or will there be drama and upheaval? Will your child find their people if starting at a new school or in a class where they don’t know the kids? If your kids are young there may be lots of crying and separation anxiety to deal with. Nothing like starting your day with your child crying for you to not leave them while you have to pretend it will all be fine, and then go cry your own tears at the pain of watching them hurting.
Experience has taught us that it probably will all be ok and that everyone will settle into the new routines. However, the fact is that some kids do struggle in school and for some those hard initial days continue. As a parent this is hard to watch and hard to have to wonder how your beloved child will do. It’s hard to feel their struggle, it’s hard to show confidence when we may be feeling shaky ourselves about how our kids will do. And we may have our own emotions to navigate. Summer can be a more relaxed time for families: there are not parent forms to sign, reading charts to track, practices to get to. And it can be emotional to see your little one go off to kindergarten, middle school, high school, their senior year. Exciting but also sentimental, time is passing and everyone is getting older.
As I write this I am reminded of one of these times my family had to navigate. In elementary school one year my son got a teacher that he had heard many kids complain about. He had heard that she was so strict and gave so much work and the kids who had her said she was impossible. So when he was assigned to her classroom he was really anxious about it. I remember him sitting on the couch expressing his worries, feeling that maybe the whole year would be terrible and how we he deal with this “worst teacher of all!” I felt so awful for him and I reminded him that his sister had also ended up a teacher the other kids had said was the worst and she loved her. Well within a few weeks our son was well over his anxiety. He ended up loving his teacher and she was very fond of him, making him her classroom helper. He saw that he could handle the workload just fine and his year was not ruined but turned out great. But we didn’t know this that day on the couch. We had to get through the transition.
So be patient with yourself and your child. Remind yourselves that it is a time of change and that transitions can feel very stressful. When we can normalize that it may help us all take a deep breath and remember that we have gotten through other times of change and we can support each other to get through this time also.